Do I look fat in these jeans?

The NO win question

This is going to be quick.  Why?  Because it doesn’t need a lot of time to get to the root of it.  It doesn’t matter…because it’s a question to set someone up to fail.

Whether you’re a lady who’s asked or a guy who’s been asked, you toast.

See the guy knows the answer.  An immediate NO, of course not.  Or No, why would you ever think that.

does_this_make_me_look_fat_trap_meme

Problem:  Women ask because they know they look fat in them jeans.

Cause:  Either you man lies to you or he appeases you.  Either way, you’ve got that boy dead to rights.

It’s a game.  Men, don’t fall for it.  And in my opinion, games should be left on the court, field or in the box when your doing with Pictionary (one of my favorites)–Not in relationships.  My fiance and I made a deal not to play these kinds of games and it’s been Ahhhmazing!

You show me a couple where the woman asks the question and when the man says, yes, I’d wear something else, she thanks him for saving her from embarassment and then they hug and kiss and skip the night out to make love.  Oh, wait…that’s the dream sequence.

Women:  Don’t ask the question.  That’s it!  Seriously!  Don’t do it!

Men:  Before the question is finished you better be saying NOOOOOOOOOOO!  Unless you like the couch.

Told you.  This one was quick and easy.  And hopefully it’ll save a few souls out there.

Break ups are a tough one to swallow

Dumper or Dumpee

Either way, it’s no fun.  As the dumper, you have to do it.  Unless you’re heartless, you have to know your going to be crushing someone.  And I’m talking about intense or serious relationships.  The casual ones.  They don’t really count.

And if your the dumpee, oh lawdy.  That’s the worst.  More often then not you’re unsuspecting and so not ready for it.  And when it happens, it’s like, WhYYYYYYYYY!  Please take me back.  I can change.

We’ve all said something of that at some point in our life.  It sucks.

Which would you prefer to be?  The Dumper or the Dumpee?

But before we get to that answer, let’s delve into the psyche of the dumper.

And to do so, I have to ask a question:

How would you dump your boyfriend/girlfriend?

  1. Take them to dinner and do it in a public place
  2. Meet with them and have a private conversation
  3. Send an email or text or snapchat or FB message
  4. Get so mean you force a reversal and they dump you
  5. Let the relationship fizzle
  6. Have an affair, thus making it easier for you to leave them and not be alone.  You asshole!

Here’s a little something for you to enjoy….the lighter side to break ups.

Now that you’ve gotten yourself out the crapspace you were in before.  Let’s get to the root of why I chose to write this.

If you’re holding on to an old relationship.  If you’re in something you know isn’t right.  If your still mad an ex.  STOP!  Right now!

Here’s why, in story form.  I told you about my heartbreaks.  They sucked.  But guess what.  Each one of those supposed failures led me to my current situation.  Which is double AWESOME!  Obviously, the heart does what it does and there’s hurt, pain, sadness, tears, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah.  And I wasn’t impervious to it either.  Yet when I look back, I see that I learned something from each relationship and it made me into the person I am today.  Who, I have to admit, is pretty rad.

Okay, still haven’t gotten to the point.  Here it is.  Be grateful those relationships didn’t work.  If you were dumped, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t think you are the most incredible person in the world.  Exactly.  What you should be doing is calling them up right now and thanking them.  Because you’ve either found that someone special or you’re going to.  And guess what, it might not be the next one, two or three after this hurt.  And thank them too.  Because thank the lords that you don’t end up with them either.

Is this starting to make some sense to you?  You’ve been looking at it all wrong.  Seriously!  If it had continued, you’d be miserable.  They’d be miserable.  It’d be a miserable situation that you’d have forced to continue.  Everyone is where they are when they are there.

No go out there and start thank those dumpers and dumpees!  It’s your job.

getting-dumped

Holla! This is the beginning of my new blog

This is my new site and blog thus I would like to formally introduce myself to you and you to the blog known as Cheating Spouses Software.

So you’re thinking this is going to be about programming?  Right?  Wrong.

What is this about then?

Well, maybe it is about programming, but not in the way you are thinking about things.  If you took the time to get to know me, then you’d know that I’m engaged.  And why not then start a kick ass blog about relationships!  I’ve known too many people that have failed.  Over and over.  They don’t intend to, but it happens.  And that’s because they’re working with the best that they have, which is themselves.  And how are they going to do anything other then what they know, if all they know is…..themselves.

They can’t.  It’s a fact.

Here I am going to offer my many different types of ideas and tips and whatevers on what you can do in your relationships to make them better.  Nobody is perfect, trust me.  My fiance makes sure to tell me that all the time. Bahaha.

I’m not the guru of relationships.  I know people.  And I know what people want.  And at the end of the day, it’s pretty simple, when you get to the root of it.

Where to start?

At the beginning I guess.  When I was younger, I always wanted to be in a relationship, but never found anyone that jazzed me up enough.  Maybe it was my need to find perfection while I was looking at all their flaws?  Don’t get me wrong, I dated.  And a lot.  I just never seemed to be content.  I’d date, but I wasn’t good at faking the fact that I didn’t really like them…and I wasn’t someone that could just date because they were hot.  Didn’t fly for me.  There had to be more.  A jeune ne se qua.

And I’ve had my heart broken.  Big time!  By a number of loves/lusts when I was super young.  Those teen throws we have…UGH!  Miss them.  And then there’s the first love.  Whoa, was I crushed by that!  My crazy ex who faked a suicide.  Doh!  Missed the signals there!  And then there was my divorce, which actually ended better then any of the rest of them.  Loved each other enough to let each other go.  We tried everything and weren’t able to make it work.  So, that was that.  We’re still friends and now their re-married and have a kick ass son.  I guess as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found better ways to deal with the issues at hand.

I still have a temper and my patience could be more robust, but people.  I get people.

Now we are back on point.  Thank God.  I didn’t know if I’d ever make it back from that tangent.

Side note: I have a couple friends that are still married to their high school sweet hearts.  How cool is that!  Then there’s my friend who’s getting married next month and he’s in his 40’s.  No judgement as we are all on our own path.  And who’s to say when the right time is that we meet that special someone?

The point of all this is over the years, my friends come to me for advice.  I give GREAT relationshiop advice.  It took me years to be able to follow my own, and I’m still not perfect.  But for others…I’m the best!  For real.  Ask my fiance, who will have friends call or email me on what to do in circumstances in their dating or marriage.

Maybe I should have been a therapist.  I guess I’ll get to do that here.